I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize