My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
