everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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