Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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