I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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