She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
