He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize