He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
