Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
