Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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