Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
