Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
