So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
