I like my sex mixed with concussions.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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