I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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