shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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