As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
