forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He shit in the fireplace
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
