worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
