Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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