both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
