When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
