obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
