no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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