I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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