so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
