Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
