He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize