Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
