I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
