The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
