he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
