I wish I could teleport
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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