I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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