Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
