he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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