woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
