I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
