I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
