it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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