He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
