saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
