I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
