Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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