pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i came on her dog
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
