I wish I could teleport
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
