Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My life is pants optional.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
