just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
