swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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