I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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