Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
