So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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