dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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