he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
