On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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