i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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