Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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