You can't motorboat a personality
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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