Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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