you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
