I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
