hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
